Category Archives: Random

Complete Idiot.

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I have to admit I like a good frowned upon joke sometimes, but this is hardly a joke.

Is she a complete fool to think she was actually being humorous? Or is she being ironic? Because judging by her spelling and grammar i would say she has some sort of syndrome herself. ‘Jeremy Kyle guest’ syndrome?

My guess would be that she has no mates and is desperately looking for a reaction just so people acknowledge she exists.

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Although its no surprise people avoid her with a middle name like ‘superjuice’. What were her parents thinking? (Now that was a joke)

Please feel free to add or message her on Facebook and tell her she’s an absolute dick….

Wrought Iron Bug…

Check this out by wrought iron gate and fence manufacturer MG Vrbanus.

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Things I saw today…

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Toilet Humour…

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8 Terrifying Skeletons of Adorable Animals…

#8 – Cthulhu!

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Looks like:

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This is like something that crawled out of the deepest depths of the Bermuda Triangle, most likely from the wreckage of an ancient alien spacecraft from a distant planet that has evolved beyond compassion and mercy.

But Actually is…

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We love platypuses: They have the grace of a duck, the furriness of an otter and the lethal poison-injecting feet of, uh … what was that from again, platypus? But all that affection is gone now that we know they’re packing a pair of industrial-size shears inside their goddamn heads. The playtpus’ inexplicable existence has always been arguably the best evidence for the absence of an intelligent and loving creator within the universe. But now that we know the platypus has been hiding gargantuan mandibles inside its face this whole time, a few things have changed. Now we’re sure of two things:
1. God absolutely does exist.
2. He’s easily the best horror writer working today.

#7 – Night Of The Thing That Should Not Be!

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Looks like:

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How should a man react when he finds a thing like this in the woods, reeking of death metal and Satan? Would you crack it open to free the imprisoned souls of the orphans that it no doubt contains? Or rub it three times to summon an apocalypse genie who will grant you an army of zombies? Or just run home, grab your Teddy bear and cuddle the shakes away?

But Actually is…

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Oh God, look at that son of a bitch. He’s the daintiest, most adorable little motherfucker in existence. He’s so cute he’s kind of making us mad. He’s the animal equivalent of Tiny Tim. He might be small, but you just know he has big dreams.

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That cute bastard, and the owner of that terrifying skull up there, is a muntjac deer. They’re a small breed native to South Asia but have spread all throughout the world, as far as Japan and even England. And it’s easy to see why: You’d take that overwhelmingly cute little fuckhead anywhere. You’d name him Carl, and he’d wear tiny turtlenecks. And then, when you finally got back to your native land, he would strip off his skin, play a bitchin’ guitar riff and raise his army of hell-bangers from beneath the Earth. And you know what? You’d still kind of love him. He’s just … he’s in your heart now, y’know?

#6 – The Bogeyman Cometh.

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Looks like:

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Just when we thought everything was right with the world, we find something straight out of Guillermo del Toro’s private nightmare factory. We’ve already decided two things about the previous owner of this skull: It could taste fear, and it drank children.

But Actually is…

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OK, so actually not the most terrifying creature in the whole of existence…

.

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But compared against the cuteness of the animal it came from, that skull is so fucking unsettling that the very concepts of ratios and percentages fled in terror when we tried to use them to quantify it. There’s not even a good reason that Bugs here needs a jawline shaped like the bastard child of a squid and an eagle. Lettuce and the occasional piece of carrot are all these little fluffy bastards eat, and we handle both of those things pretty well with our nonfreaky teeth, and almost completely without the use of razor-sharp superfluous beaks, thanks

#5 – Day of the Cyclops!

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Looks like:

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People are always pointing to signs that the end is near. For some, it’s pollution and global warming. For others, it’s wars and plagues. But we’re a little more optimistic than that. No, for us to truly accept doomsday, we’d have to see something like … we don’t know, maybe a giant goddamn Cyclops skull!

But Actually is…

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Yep, that horrific destroyer of worlds is in fact just a lovable ol’ rumbly-tumbly elephant — the huge hole is where their trunk goes, their eyes are on the side. Who knew they be hidin’ such freaky-ass head bones beneath that wizened visage? Hell, even the elephants are freaked out by their own skulls, to the extent that they’ve been shown to recognize and pay homage to the skulls of their own species. This is either out of a sense of mourning or a sense that they’d better not run the risk of pissing off whatever the hell that thing use to be.

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If you believe a couple of paleontologists, the Greeks came up with the myth of the Cyclops because they discovered the skulls of prehistoric elephants in places like Cyprus, Crete, Malta and Sicily. That’s right: The goddamn Spartans were so scared after finding these bones that the only logical conclusion they could come up with was that a gang of fucking immortal man-eating monsters used to live there, and they should probably get back to the boats before they came home.

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#4 – Mars Attacks!

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Looks like:

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Behold, we have unmistakable proof of extraterrestrial life! When the planet goes up in flames during the big invasion, we’ll be sitting pretty in our underground shelter full of grenades and Twinkies, and you’ll all be busy getting vaporized. Who’s a “delusional man-child” now, Brenda?!

But Actually is…

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Erm, no, actually. False alarm. It’s just the skull of the minute and harmless-looking owl monkey, a species commonly found in Central and South America. Unlike the other entries on this list, whose skulls were seemingly designed for the sole purpose of causing anybody who saw them to evacuate his bowels while simultaneously calling his mother and finding religion, the owl monkey actually needs those gargantuan eye sockets to hold its equally gargantuan eyes, which help it see in the dark. To see … you … in the dark.

#3 – Sandworm Death Strike!

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Looks like:

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Question: Which animal has a skull like a Star Destroyer with teeth? Give up? We did. We ran away screaming before the Jawas and sand people showed up.
These skulls have convinced us of two things: 1) The movie Dune was filmed on Earth without the aid of special effects, and 2) by some strange glitch in the time-space continuum, Charles Darwin was a huge H.R. Giger fan.

But Actually is…

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Oh, of course. It’s just a lovable, barrier-jumping, vandal-rehabilitating, crime-fighting killer whale. Admittedly, most of our whale knowledge comes from Free Willy, but we’re pretty sure that’s an accurate depiction of all marine life.
The absolute freakiest thing about this skull is the fact that it technically doesn’t even exist. If you look again at the photo up top, you can see the total number of bones present in its head: three. That’s it. We know the human skull is technically made up of only two bones (the mandible and the maxilla), but at least they make some kind of discernible shape vaguely reflective of the living creature. It was H.P. Lovecraft who once said that the scariest thing to witness was nothingness, and we’re only just now realizing what he meant by that.

#2 – Attack of the Crossroads Chimera.

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Looks like:

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Half of us thought this was a Chupacabra skull, and the other half believed it was a hellhound. We flipped a coin to settle the argument. The coin froze in midair for a full 10 seconds before it burst into flames and melted into a molten puddle in the shape of a pentagram. So we’re just gonna agree to disagree and settle on Chupacabra hellhound for now.

But Actually is…

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Seriously?! That’s what a seal looks like if you remove all of the fur, blubber and love? Man, no wonder Mother Nature kept that shit hidden. It’s difficult to decide what’s most terrifying about that skull, but we’ll go with the masses of teeth, which somehow seem to have sprouted their own tiny, razor-sharp teeth. We know these things eat fish, and you need some kind of teeth to deal with that, but goddammit, seals, we manage that shit just fine without the meta-fangs.

#1 – Here Be Dragons!

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Looks like:

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Now don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were a princess and we were the bravest knights in the land, we would let this thing kill you every single time. You could be beautiful, wealthy, magical, whatever. You would seriously die, a lot, and we would just let it happen, because there is no way in hell we’re going near that thing.

But Actually is…

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We’ve had countless depictions of hippos as obese…

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…fun loving…

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…lazy…

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… and otherwise comical characters since forever. It’s hard to believe that at no point during these proceedings did a zoologist think to mention the fact that just beneath the surface, hippopotami are just really fat, flightless dragons.

Article originally from Cracked.com
Check out their site for some really interesting reading.

A World Without Religion…

Imagine a world where there was no religion, no idea of a god, no reason to kill a fellow man because he doesn’t believe your ideas are correct.

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Imagine a world where science was the one belief. Where science was used to prove, and disprove, all the facts of the universe. Where questioning each others ideas and theories was encouraged, and where you actively searched for facts about everything, because faith would seem like the lazy way out.

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Now imagine someone said,

“I’ve got this book about an invisible bloke who you just have to believe is up there because there never has been, nor ever will there be, any proof he exists.

You’re going to devote your life to him, live by his rules, and totally divert from the main ideas of religion, such as bringing peace to the world and your fellow man.

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You’re going to use this idea to corrupt children, you’re going to force it onto them, destroying their free will and any free thinking they may have developed as they became adults, in order to create a generation of mindless soldiers.

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Your going to kill, invade, abuse, and start wars over this idea, because this book can be so loosely translated, either metaphorically or literally, that you can deform it’s story to mean whatever you like.”

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Would you, with your rational, mentally stable mind, believe there was actually a conscious force that has never been identified in the history of man, controlling the universe?

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If your going to believe in Him, then I chose to believe the universe was created by a giant pretzel named Gary. And he grants me wishes. And talks to me. And tells me to kill people who don’t follow my beliefs…

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Sick Joke…

It’s good to see the NHS prioritising it’s funding. If you havent already read about it, a young girl, Josie Cunningham – 22 from Leeds, has had a free boob job courtesy of the NHS. The main reason that I can gather from the whole fiasco is so she can wear tiny tops and apply to much orange tan. And how vain and ugly on the inside must someone be to think that massive, fake tits is the only way to make people think more of you? The only people who are going to treat her better are sleazy blokes out drinking who fancy a quick shag behind some nightclub.

It wouldn’t be as bad if her plan wasn’t just to show her tits for money and brag about the fact they were free. I’m all for reconstructive surgery for women who have a genuine reason, such as a mastectomy, or some other reason, but not just to turn into a white trash slapper.

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The thing that baffles me is that she looked better before:

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…unlike after:

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And imagine thinking the only way to a good career is not through education or hard work, but a life of being a plastic chested joke of a human on Babestation appealing to single men, “abusing” themselves at 4 in the morning…

And I’ve got a receding hair-line. Would the NHS buy me a sports car to boost my self esteem?

Daily Mail interview here.